How do you get a shed on a roof?

Went on an adventure down some deserted alleyways and up some fire escapes yesterday – in hindsight a bad idea.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get right onto the roof without hacking into a pretty sophisticated security system so it wasn’t quite as exciting as the computer game (jumping from roof to roof being shot at) scenario I’d anticipated.

Regardless, I got to peer into a good few nooks and wonder just how certain objects found themselves on the roofs of smaller buildings in the area. No complaints here!

#Now this is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside down…#

I have to backtrack on my reboot slightly. Everything about posting and aiming to be productive still stands, but I can’t deal with the black/red theme I had going there for a while. When I made it, the only vaguely coherent though I had was “BRIGHT COLOURS PRETTY”. Looking back, I’d have to argue with myself that not only were colours not so much bright as they were contrasting, but they were also enough to give anybody an aneurysm upon entering this page. It’s safe to say that causing their major brain tubes to explode will not get me more followers.

It’s odd because something very similar happened to me in the physical world recently. I got up one day and decided that what I required to get me out of a premature rut of jaded farce was to do something to make myself seem more ‘colourful’ – that pun would make so much more sense slightly further into the story. So, I pottered down to the shops and bought myself some semi-permanent blue hair dye. Get the pun now? Anyway, being a person of naturally dark hair, I set about lightening the sections I wanted to highlight first and then excitedly put the blue in. Once done, let me just say, my hair looked awesome. I felt properly cool for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, the dye only lasted for about five days since I wash my hair far more often than any normal person should. However, the lightener did not fade quite so quickly, but I figured I may as well take advantage of that and got myself some purple dye and went over where the blue was with that, feeling I was beginning to realise that the thing missing from my life was colour on top of my face. But, the purple washed out, and the lightened bits stayed. By now, I’d run out of money to buy more hair dye and so was forced to leave it to sort itself out as the packet told me it would. This was at least a week ago. Yet I still look like the runt of a bee litter that keeps getting thrown in the washing machine by its bully siblings.

This is what I get for trying to be fresh and mix things up. At least I can wrap the whole ‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ theme tune, don’t know what I’d do without that one under my belt.

Commuter Amusing

Do you ever completely forget how to accomplish simple physical tasks? Even those you’ve been doing since you could breath - needed purely to live?
I was walking along in the blistering heat (as much as heat can blister in England) and reached into my bag for some water. Now don’t judge me too harshly as being completely unfit; the road was the longest and contained the most hills I have ever encountered in my whole life. So, as I said, I reached for the bottle of water tactically living at the bottom of my bag and took a very large amount of its contents into my mouth. And then, I forgot how to swallow.
Now, I kid you not, the fear that shot through me when I thought I was going to drown in my own mouth rivalled  that caused by the bizarre falling sensation you sometimes get when lying in bed. I froze on the pavement. Stood there, eyes wide in fear and cheeks full of water, leaving me looking not unlike Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. For some reason, it didn’t strike me that I could just let it out and as I panicked, rapidly running out of air, being stared at by every driver and passenger in the unmoving traffic jam on the road beside me. I decided that I’d take the “pill approach”. I threw my head back and tried to let gravity do the work, making the water flow down my oesophagus. But, with as much in my mouth as I had, this looked less like a cure for a headache and more like a humpback whale with a split lip. Gravity did the trick though and even if I didn’t end up quenching my thirst completely, I did cool down a little from being drenched on the outside by the water meant for my inside. Needless to say, when I had finally calmed myself, I moved quickly along – to the stares of the still stubbornly unmoving traffic jam – and waited until I got home to attempt any more hydrating.
It was awkward,  but at least it gave the commuters stuck in rush hour traffic something to laugh about. God knows they need it.