The Forbidden Grown-Up Garden of Eden

I’m pretty sure we all know that feeling of ice cold panic that hits when it’s time to be productive again after a long spree of nothing but existance. It’s a mixture of excitement and self-worth at the prospect of finally doing something that could lead to achievement again and pure frustration and fear at the possibility of not being able to do said things and having not done more in the aforementioned spree.

This is a feeling I was welcomed into the new school year with. Sixth form -that’s like college for those unfamiliar with British educational systems. I knew it was a step up but it wasn’t until I was sat in a room full of  teens belonging to every stereotype and clique known to the world of American high school movies (which I’ve realised, though obviously exaggerated to huge degrees, are surprisingly accurate), that I’m what I’ve seen for the last five years.
Now, let me explain this one. Since I began at high school, at the start of every new year, I’ve walked past the doors to our school hall, peered in and observed with wonder and trepidation the sixth formers having their induction. All neat with a PowerPoint in school colours and relevant teachers lined up against the walls ready to jump in with a wave when introduced.  This land of grown up formality and overly specific informality always seemed so far away to me, even as I sat in its very midst earlier today. I mentioned this to a friend who suggested my confusion possibly stemmed from my having not grown for about four years – a contribution to my thought stream I can’t say was hugely appreciated.

I guess my point is nothing more than the fact that I’m turning into a grown-up with real grown-up decisions and relationships (there’s a mention right there River Reedface). But I don’t think I should be getting too worried yet. After all, someone did come up to me today and offer to share their bag of Pom Bears with me – nothing changes.

 

NB: I’d like to apologise since this has been an entirely self-indulgent post with no point or reason other than me feeling the need to splurge.
I’ll get a proper post up soon..promise!

How do you get a shed on a roof?

Went on an adventure down some deserted alleyways and up some fire escapes yesterday – in hindsight a bad idea.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get right onto the roof without hacking into a pretty sophisticated security system so it wasn’t quite as exciting as the computer game (jumping from roof to roof being shot at) scenario I’d anticipated.

Regardless, I got to peer into a good few nooks and wonder just how certain objects found themselves on the roofs of smaller buildings in the area. No complaints here!

#Now this is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside down…#

I have to backtrack on my reboot slightly. Everything about posting and aiming to be productive still stands, but I can’t deal with the black/red theme I had going there for a while. When I made it, the only vaguely coherent though I had was “BRIGHT COLOURS PRETTY”. Looking back, I’d have to argue with myself that not only were colours not so much bright as they were contrasting, but they were also enough to give anybody an aneurysm upon entering this page. It’s safe to say that causing their major brain tubes to explode will not get me more followers.

It’s odd because something very similar happened to me in the physical world recently. I got up one day and decided that what I required to get me out of a premature rut of jaded farce was to do something to make myself seem more ‘colourful’ – that pun would make so much more sense slightly further into the story. So, I pottered down to the shops and bought myself some semi-permanent blue hair dye. Get the pun now? Anyway, being a person of naturally dark hair, I set about lightening the sections I wanted to highlight first and then excitedly put the blue in. Once done, let me just say, my hair looked awesome. I felt properly cool for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, the dye only lasted for about five days since I wash my hair far more often than any normal person should. However, the lightener did not fade quite so quickly, but I figured I may as well take advantage of that and got myself some purple dye and went over where the blue was with that, feeling I was beginning to realise that the thing missing from my life was colour on top of my face. But, the purple washed out, and the lightened bits stayed. By now, I’d run out of money to buy more hair dye and so was forced to leave it to sort itself out as the packet told me it would. This was at least a week ago. Yet I still look like the runt of a bee litter that keeps getting thrown in the washing machine by its bully siblings.

This is what I get for trying to be fresh and mix things up. At least I can wrap the whole ‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ theme tune, don’t know what I’d do without that one under my belt.

Commuter Amusing

Do you ever completely forget how to accomplish simple physical tasks? Even those you’ve been doing since you could breath - needed purely to live?
I was walking along in the blistering heat (as much as heat can blister in England) and reached into my bag for some water. Now don’t judge me too harshly as being completely unfit; the road was the longest and contained the most hills I have ever encountered in my whole life. So, as I said, I reached for the bottle of water tactically living at the bottom of my bag and took a very large amount of its contents into my mouth. And then, I forgot how to swallow.
Now, I kid you not, the fear that shot through me when I thought I was going to drown in my own mouth rivalled  that caused by the bizarre falling sensation you sometimes get when lying in bed. I froze on the pavement. Stood there, eyes wide in fear and cheeks full of water, leaving me looking not unlike Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. For some reason, it didn’t strike me that I could just let it out and as I panicked, rapidly running out of air, being stared at by every driver and passenger in the unmoving traffic jam on the road beside me. I decided that I’d take the “pill approach”. I threw my head back and tried to let gravity do the work, making the water flow down my oesophagus. But, with as much in my mouth as I had, this looked less like a cure for a headache and more like a humpback whale with a split lip. Gravity did the trick though and even if I didn’t end up quenching my thirst completely, I did cool down a little from being drenched on the outside by the water meant for my inside. Needless to say, when I had finally calmed myself, I moved quickly along – to the stares of the still stubbornly unmoving traffic jam – and waited until I got home to attempt any more hydrating.
It was awkward,  but at least it gave the commuters stuck in rush hour traffic something to laugh about. God knows they need it.

An observation from the 2C

I was sat inside a big, yellow 2c bus only recently when we stopped at road works (predictable) and as I looked out of the window to my right I saw two shops right next to each other. One was called “Just Blinds” and the other “Not Just Cards”. Now, I couldn’t help but suspect that there was a little bit of rivalry going on despite the fact that the two shops sell entirely different merchandise. Maybe people in the area are having to choose between blinds and cards to keep the competition going. Or maybe the shop owners just come together at the end of each month and compare sales or their chosen stock. Either way, I sensed tension and made a note never to attempt to shop in that area if a blind collector friend’s birthday approached.

REBOOT

To say I’ve neglected this blog would be an understatement similar to saying that Armageddon is a little bit of a bicker at the end of the day. Because of my complete and utter incompetence in regards to this space, I don’t feel that I can just pick up and carry on with a pathetic apology post. I need a complete and utter reboot.

Imagine binary and hieroglyphics spinning in front of your eyes, glowing and zooming almost magnetically into perfectly shaped and fitted holes in the threads of reality.
And now imagine me changing the layout about a bit and writing a string of slightly different but far more affiliated posts.
I’ll admit, the latter is far more likely to happen, despite severely lacking in ‘awesome-factor’.

So, prepare yourselves for something far less exciting than I’ve made out.
Time for a new start.

Cow pun ON a cow…Oh yes!

Penalisation? Yes.
I think I've definitely let myself down with the complete and utter lack of updates for the last few months. Yes, months!
The truth is, I've had exams and coursework and multiple other things going on that have succeeded in dragging me, kicking and screaming, onto the road of procrastination.
I must admit, I've trodden this road before - many a time in fact - and am rather familiar with the landmarks. But I'm slowly but surely edging into the foliage and off of the beaten path so shall be back very soon.
This particular post is, admittedly, a little bit of a filler because, frankly, I am still completely and utterly failing to get all of my work done. But I have ideas for a few nice, bulky rants that I shall be pulling together as soon as I get a spare moment...so something to look forward to, eh?
Luckily, however, procrastinating from one thing means progressing in another, so I - in the time I really should have used to catch up on graphics coursework - have drawn a picture of the image that popped into my mind when writing this. Enjoy.